Nine Months In

 Three days after Valentine's Day, which was my first one 'alone.' I didn't realize it until I was halfway through it. And when I did, it didn't even bother me. Because in actuality, the day in my marriage was just like any other day. Sure, he'd come in with the overpriced, three-quarters-of-the-way-to-full-bloom roses. Which I'd quickly put in a vase, lamenting the moment when they'd eventually die. In all honesty, it really didn't matter to me if he'd bought flowers or not. Because I wanted a love where my man would bring me flowers BECAUSE HE LOVED ME. Not because it was Valentine's Day. But this realization for me only arrived with the wisdom of getting older. He called, wanted to have breakfast with me, I declined. I only see him when I see our kids and grandchildren. With absolutely no desire to see him alone. 

I love my place, but as the lease will be up in three and a half months (!) I'm looking around at other listings so that I can make an informed decision. But apartment hunting should really be done at one's own risk, for the prices could give someone heart palpitations. Seriously. There are some places that are so expensive, one is literally better off just getting a house or condo and paying the mortgage. Places in the two thousand range and up I find utterly ridiculous to live in. Like, WHY? Last time I checked, mortgages started at one thousand two hundred dollars; depending on the area. Here, businesses are close by - the bank, produce market, drug store, chicken place; just to name a few. The area's nice, I don't fear for my life if I'm outside after dark. 

I'm slightly disgusted with the job situation. I have a job, looking for another one in a sea of gigs that proudly proclaim they pay sixteen dollars an hour; like that's real money. I know, within my soul, that there's better paying jobs out there for a bilingual, Bachelor's Degree, Admin/Writing Professional. There has to be. All these expensive apartments filled; someboby's making money somewhere.